What I Was Thinking.

Images.

Hey kids.  I'm thinking about getting a new tattoo sometime soon.  These are some images I'm interested in...if any of you are artsy and wanna pretty these up/think of a similar design that might suit me by all means take a crack at it!  Greatly appreciated.  These are all just ideas in the beginning beginning stage.

    I love this flower.  I would get it on my shoulder, I think.  Although I'd love it if it had 18 pieces total including the petals, middle part, etc.

 I super super love this image.  I love pomegranates.  I have a white pomegranate flower on my forearm already.  I like this image but i'd like if it were a little more detailed, sort of a toile design.

 I'm thinking most seriously about one of these hamsas.  I like them the way they are, but again, I'd love more detail.

 

 Jewish star from a Chagall painting.  Chagall is my favorite artist.  His work is so joyful, colorful and emotive.

 awesome vintage fashion enthusiast with beautiful beautiful quarter sleeve tattoo.

Tennessee Williams.

I haven't read or seen much of Tennessee Williams' work, but I'm hoping to change that soon.  His work is fascinating, and he was pretty interesting as well.

While in London, we bought tickets to see Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.  I wasn't drawn to the play itself when I passed the advert on  wall of the escalator leading down to the tube.  Here's what drew me in:

See those two on the right?  Perhaps you recognize them?  That would be Mr. James Earl Jones and the gorgeous, poised, and talented Phylicia Rashad.

The show was incredible.  Mr. Jones is 79 years old, but on the stage he's so full of life you'd never know it.  

Phylicia Rashad played Clare Huxtable on The Cosby Show.  She sang on the show, she recited poetry, she was poised and graceful.  She was my TV mom.

After the show I went to the stage door to get autographs.  Mom reminded me to ask James Earl Jones if he remembered being honored at a benefit in Boston for the Anti-Defamation League.  Mr.  Jones received an award with my grandfather at that event.

About a half hour later, Phylicia Rashad came out.  I was so excited I was shaking as I handed her my program.  I congratulated her, told her how wonderful I thought she was, and then cried in front of her.  It was a little embarrassing.

By the time we had lined up at Mr. Jones's car, there were only ten or 15 people in line.  A few clutched photos of Darth Vader.  As he trudged over to the car he said in his booming voice, "Ah, the few. The happy few."  We all laughed nervously.

When it was my turn, I saw Mr. Jones looked very tired.  The heart he puts into his characters takes a lot of energy.

He asked what other shows we'd be seeing while in London.  We told him we were going to see "War Horse," and he commented that it's a very unique show.  I think he fibbed when he said he remembered the ADL conference in Boston, but it was still incredible to meet him.

Oh! Right...

Day 7 Memorial

Facts of the Rwandan genocide.

 In 2002 the government put the death toll for the ethnic slaughter at 1,074,017 with Tutsis as 94% of the dead.

March 13, 2010.  Day 7 of the 100 days of remembrance of the Rwandan genocide of 1994.

Teaching Genocide.

Genocide [jen-uh-sahyd]. –noun. the deliberate and systematic extermination of a national, racial, political, or cultural group.

A group of radical pro-lifers called the Genocide Awareness Project are on Ohio State's campus this week.  They display enormous signs with blown-up pictures of mangled, bloody aborted fetuses (they are not "dead babies," they were never alive nor were they babies), and images from the Holocaust.  That's right, they compare abortion to the Holocaust.  They pervert the word "genocide" to fit their agenda.  The images are grotesque, but pretty standard.  Most of the pictures of aborted fetuses are of third-trimester abortions, which aren't legal in the United States.  Meaning the pictures are old and manipulated.  Their tactic is shock and fear; they believe that if women knew what aborted fetuses look like, maybe they won't get abortions.  I'd like to think women do their research before they make a decision like choosing whether or not to let a pregnancy come to term.  I know I would.  VOX, the Voices of Planned Parenthood group on campus, counter-protested with petitions and signs.  They also handed out condoms, pins, and stickers shaped like condoms that said, "just wear it."

The pro-lifers have the right to say whatever they want, even if we don't agree with their hateful, ignorant, woman-hating tactics.

What really pisses me off about this group of people is their intentional misuse of the word "genocide."  I made signs that I plan to use on Wednesday to spread some truths about what "genocide" really means.

The OSU club Right To Life purposely brought the Genocide Awareness Project to campus during Holocaust awareness week.  This is an insult to the tens of millions of people who were murdered in genocides this century alone.  Let's take a look back in time and learn about genocide:

1915-1918: The Armenian
Genocide considered the prototype for future genocides in one of the bloodiest centuries of modern history.  Over 1,500,000 Armenians, about half the Armenian population, were killed by Ottoman Turkey during WWI.

1939-1945: The Holocaust 6,000,000 Jews and more than 5,000,000 others considered "undesirables" were killed by Nazi Germany in Europe during WWII.

1975-1979: The Cambodian Killing Fields 1,200,000 Cambodians were killed by Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge political party.

1994: Rwandan Genocide In a 4-month period, 800,000 Tutsis killed by ethnic Hutu militias.

2004-?: Genocide in Sudan Janjaweed, government-backed Arab militias, have engaged in campaigns to displace and wipe out entire communities of African tribal farmers.  Nearly 300,000 civilians have died and some 1.6 million have been forced from their homes.

When the Genocide Convention was passed by the United Nations in 1948, the world said, "Never again."

In the twentieth century "never again" became "again and again." The promise the United Nations made was broken, as again and again, genocides and other forms of mass murder killed 170 million people, more than all the international wars of the twentieth century combined. (via the Genocide Education Project - "Learning the past, building the future.")

keep thinking, keep acting.

http://agahozo-shalom.org/

www.savedarfur.org/

For Those of You Who Don't Know...

I'm going to attempt to fill you all in on the many upcoming events this spring.  If any of you remember Bill Nye the Science Guy, he had a segment on his show called "Did You Know That?"  The segment put 30 seconds on the clock and told a quick and interesting science fact.  This entry is neither quick nor science-y, but it's super-informative and will hopefully give you some new ideas for how you can give back to your community this spring.

Lady GayGay

When I got back from class this afternoon (on a very busy, stressful day), I visited the fan site for Lady Gaga (I'm a huge fan).  She had a post about a boy named Cole who was sent to the principal's office of his Greenbrier, Tennessee school for wearing an "I (heart) Lady Gay Gay" shirt.  This happened April 6.  

For those of you who don't know...

For those of you who don't know, April 16 is the National Day of Silence. Hundreds of thousands of students take a vow of silence for the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students that experience discrimination and bullying in schools.

Anyway...

Anyway, Cole has been getting a lot of attention, both positive and negative.  He wrote a note on Facebook discussing his strong sense of pride and identity, two things he says he will never compromise.  He was told by teachers and several harassing bloggers that "school is not the place to display your sexuality," to which he answered, "then it also shouldn't be the place to display your religion, your political beliefs or your Southern pride."

Want to learn more?

Read the article about Greenbrier High School's actions against Cole's self-expression.

The situation in Sudan.

After some facebook updating, I checked my e-mail. I'd received an email from one of the many advocacy newsletters to which I subscribe.  This e-mail was from the Save Darfur Coalition.

For those of you who don't know...

 For those of you who don't know, the area of Sudan known as the Darfur region is experiencing a genocide that has been going on for about six years now.  People across the Darfur region are homeless and living in displacement camps, some of which are miles away from natural resources.  Women must leave the camps daily and risk rape and murder to fetch water for their children in the displacement camps.  

The Religious Action Center and the Save Darfur Coalition held a rally Washington, D.C. in April of 2005.  About 20 members of the Jewish community in Columbus organized a bus, and I attended the rally, where I heard Elie Wiesel, George Clooney, Barack Obama, and other activists speak about the atrocities in Darfur.  April of 2006 I attended a social justice seminar called L'Taken, also in Washington, D.C. where I lobbied and spoke to my representative about getting the United States and the United Nations to intervene in Darfur.

Anyway...

Anyway, I received this e-mail from the Save Darfur Coalition.  This Sunday, April 11, Sudan will have its first multi-party elections in 25 years.  Of course, there's always complications.  Sudan is still in the midst of a civil war which is preying on unarmed women and children, using rape as a weapon.

Want to learn more?

Click here to learn more about Sudan's first "free and fair" elections.  Also, April 16, in addition to being the Day of Silence, is also Darfur Awareness Day - at least at Ohio State.

Speaking of Sunday, April 11th...

This Sunday, April 11th, 2010 is Yom Hashoa, or Holocaust Remembrance day.  At Ohio State, all of next week is Holocaust Remembrance Week.  I don't need to tell you the details of the Holocaust - 13 million murdered, 6 million of them Jews, while the world stood idly by.

This quote is featured in the Holocaust Museum in D.C., and can also be found in the Armenian Quarter of the Old City of Jerusalem.

Never Again-Again.
 

For those of you who don't know...

For those of you who don't know, April 7 began the 16th commemoration of another global atrocity - the 100 days of the 1994 Rwandan genocide.  I've mentioned this before - the Rwandan genocide took the lives of around 800,000 Rwandans and left 1.2 million children without parents, one of the largest orphan populations in the world.  Over 65% of Rwanda's population is under the age of 25.  The median age of Rwanda's total population is 18.7 years.  The hundreds of thousands of rapes that took place after the genocide ended left tens of thousands of women with HIV or AIDS.

 One of the ways Rwanda is slowly being rebuilt is through the creation of the Agahozo-Shalom Youth Village.  The ASYV, started two years ago by South African native and current Jewish New Yorker Anne Heyman, is a place of residence for 250 Rwandan teenagers orphaned by the 1994 Rwandan genocide.  As you may have read if you followed my blog last year, I visited the Agahozo-Shalom Youth Village in June of 2009.

The Village is based on Yemin Orde, a village in Israel which housed young escapees of the Holocaust and is now home to Israeli youth and kids from all over the world.

I still keep in touch with some of the friends I made there - there's a computer lab in the village, and a few of the kids have Facebook accounts.  They keep me updated on the changes going on in their new home.  I miss Africa so much.  If I'm having a really bad day, I can go back and look at my pictures from the Village and I feel better knowing there are people in the world who still want to make a difference. Margaret Mead is right - it only takes a small group of committed citizens to change the world.  The Agahozo-Shalom Youth Village is unique in Africa, and the school in the Village has become one of the best in Rwanda.  The kids are motivated and optimistic, and have big dreams for their future and the future of their country.

You can read my blog posts about my time in Rwanda, and I have a few albums of pictures up on Facebook as well.

Anyway...

Anyway, the Agahozo-Shalom Youth Village is amazing, and donating to the village is a really meaningful way to remember the dead and to honor the living.  Visit http://agahozo-shalom.org/ to donate and to learn more.

Relay For Life

Relay For Life is an event sponsored by the American Cancer Society. It's a 24-hour fundraising event to raise money for cancer research.  Ohio State's Relay For Life is Saturday, May 8 to Sunday, May 9.  OSU has 110 teams, 903 participants, and has raised almost $30,000 so far.

For those of you who don't know...

We've all been affected by cancer in some way.  For those of you who don't know, my family has recently experienced the effects of cancer firsthand - a family member, as well as a few friends of the family, were and are sick with cancer this year.  It's been a very emotional and trying couple of months for our family, but with love and commitment we're getting through it.  And for many of you who have asked, though this has been quite a strain on my immediate and extended family, it has not affected my parent's relationship.  They're still strong and very much in love.  =)

Anyway...

Anyway, I'm on Ohio State Hillel's Relay For Life team, raising money for the cause.  I hope to make AT LEAST 100 dollars, though I think I'll be able to raise more than that.

Wanna help?  Visit my personal Relay For Life page and click "donate."  It's pretty easy from there.  OR, you can visit my Facebook profile.  If you scroll down you'll see a banner in the left-hand column that says Relay For Life.  There's a "donate" button there as well.

Fighting For Women's Rights to Be Just as Safe and Empowered as Men Already Are.

...and maybe a little more than that.  May 13 is Take Back The Night, my feminist group (Womyn and Allies Rising in Resistance)'s big event of the school year.  TBTN begins in the afternoon with speakers, live music, different awareness groups and short seminars, and ends in the evening with a walk down High Street to show that women shouldn't have to fear men and assault when they are outside at night.  The theme of this year's Take Back The Night is "Illuminating Truths."

For those of you who don't know...

For those of you who don't know, rape is a problem on all college campuses, especially the large, heavily populated campuses that party a lot and have a large Greek Life population.  Sound familiar?  That's right, Ohio State fits that description perfectly.  This year alone there have been two reported rapes and a handful of reported sexual assaults on Ohio State's campus.  Many women don't come forward, and there are countless rapes and assaults that go unreported every year.  The Ohio State University isn't required to do anything about it, because The Ohio State University does not have an official sexual assault policy - a contract in the student handbook that students sign and that will hold them accountable for their actions.  There's a "resource guide," which is not nearly detailed enough, and is just a "guide." Womyn and Allies Rising in Resistance (WARR) is fighting and appealing to the student government and the exec board to get this changed.  People need to be held accountable for their actions.

Anyway...

 Anyway, if you're in town May 13, 2010, you should most definitely stop by the Wexner Center for the Arts plaza to hear some speakers and be a feminist for the day - you might like it.  Feminism's a spectrum in people's minds, but it really just comes down to equality.  Human rights.

I hope you've enjoyed my looooooong post - now go out and do something for someone else!

-Maddie.

Keeping Pesach, Day 1.

I'm sick.  I started feeling sick during our last day in London.  It increased a little bit each day and I fought through it, until Tuesday when I was too sick to go to my first fencing class of the quarter.  And my first philosophy/probability class, which'll probably cost me.  So I stayed in bed, watched TV on the laptop, drank water and tea, and noshed. (<---the Yiddish word for "snacked.") A lot.  But I snacked healthier than usual.  Hmm...why?

For Eastern-European or "Ashkenazi" Jews like myself, forbidden foods include a category called "chometz."  Chometz is defined as any of the five grains - wheat, spelt, barley, oats, and rye - that came into contact with water for more than 18 minutes.  Basically, no bread, cookies, chips, cake...if people with gluten allergies can't eat it, most likely neither can I this week.  Also, no beer or alcohol that's brewed from wheat or grain.  My mom was happy to discover that her favorite vodka is brewed from potatoes.  Or something.

 

My sidebar about chometz.

 It's EVERYWHERE.  I went to a feminist meeting tonight at the new Ohio Union (which is super fancy and feels really unnecessary), and there was a giant platter of cookies on the table.  "Help yourself, there's a ton,"  I was told.  I was about to get up to get a cookie when my pesach alarm went off: no no no!  it's not kosher!  I sat back down.  A friend on my floor turned 20 today, and his mom sent him an enormous sheet cake - chocolate cake with chocolate icing.  Nope, can't eat that either.  Such a shame.

The other forbidden food group.

The other forbidden food group for Ashkenazi Jews is called "kitniyot," also known as "legumes."  Kitniyot includes rice, corn, soy beans, string beans, peas, lentils, peanuts, mustard, sesame seeds, and poppy seeds.  We don't eat it because a rabbi in the 13th century realized that it's often hard to distinguish between rice flour (kitniyot) and wheat flour (chometz).  Also, a rabbi in the 16th century states that grains may become mixed with kitniyot and a person might inadvertently eat chometz.

The good news: QUINOA IS KOSHER FOR PASSOVER! Quinoa is a lovely little grain that can be eaten cold or hot, though it must be cooked first.  It's very high in protein and great for vegetarians and vegans - it's as nutritious as soy without the side effect of increased estrogen.

all info comes from http://judaism.about.com/library/3_askrabbi_o/bl_simmons_passoverkosher.htm

My sidebar about kitniyot, and why my being sick ties into this:

Kitniyot is a frustrating one, and here's why:  there's corn bi-products in almost every processed food we eat.  Look at the label of a breakfast cereal, salad dressing, any and every candy, chewing gum, chocolate milk, juice...you get the point...

"ISRAEL APARTHEID WEEK."

Soapbox time.  This week is "Israel Apartheid Week" around the world, where misinformed individuals with good hearts and minimal facts compare the situation in Gaza to Apartheid South Africa.  This is an insult to the horrors that Black South Africans experienced during apartheid.  Believe me - I've been there.  I've visited the jails, I've gone to the Johannesburg Constitutional Court, I visited the University of Witwatersrand this time last year, where the walls and outdoor tables were covered with accusations that Israel is an apartheid state.  It's just not true. I know this because I've also been to Israel.  Here is some information on what's REALLY going on.

For more talking points visit Stand With Us and scroll a fourth of the way down.  On the left, click "Apartheid Week Response Materials."

 

MYTH:    "Israel is an apartheid state."    FACT:       Even before the State of Israel was established, Jewish leaders consciously sought to avoid the creation of a segregated society.  Since the United Nations Conference on Racism in August of 2001, anti-Semites and racists have tried to delegitimize Israel by calling it an apartheid state. Their hope is that this false equation will tar Israel and encourage measures similar to those used against South Africa, such as sanctions anddivestment, to be applied to Israel. The comparison is malicious and insults the South Africans who suffered under apartheid. The term "apartheid" refers to the official government policy of racial segregation formerly practiced in South Africa. The whites sought to dominate the nonwhite population, especially the indigenous black population, and discriminated against people of color in the political, legal, and economic sectors. Whites and nonwhites lived in separate regions of the country. Nonwhites were prohibited from running businesses or professional practices in the white areas without permits. Nonwhites had separate amenities (i.e. beaches, buses, schools, benches, drinking fountains, restrooms). Nonwhites received inferior education, medical care, and other public services. Though they were the overwhelming majority of the population, nonwhites could not vote or become citizens. By contrast, Israel's Declaration of Independence called upon the Arab inhabitants of Israel to "participate in the upbuilding of the State on the basis of full and equal citizenship and due representation in all its provisional and permanent institutions." The 156,000 Arabs within Israel's borders in 1948 were given citizenship in the new State of Israel. Today, this Arabminority comprises 20% of the population. It is illegal for employers to discriminate on the basis of race and Arab citizens of Israel are represented in all walks of Israeli life. Arabs have served in senior diplomatic and government positions and an Arab currently serves on theSupreme Court. Israeli Arabs have formed their own political parties and won representation in the Knesset. Arabs are also members of the major Israeli parties. Twelve non-Jews (10 Arabs, two Druze) are members of the Seventeenth Knesset. Laws dictated where nonwhites could live, work, and travel inSouth Africa, and the government imprisoned and sometimes killed those who protested against its policies. By contrast,Israel allows freedom of movement, assembly and speech. Some of the government's harshest critics are Israeli Arabs in the Knesset. Arab students and professors study, research, and teach at Israeli universities. At Haifa University, the target of British advocates of an academic boycott against Israel, 20 percent of the students are Arabs. Israeli society is not perfect - discrimination and unfairness exist there as it does in every other country. These differences, however, are nothing like the horrors of the apartheid system. Moreover, when inequalities are identified, minorities in Israel have the right to seek redress through the government and the courts, and progress toward equality has been made over the years. The situation of Palestinians in the territories is different. While many Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza Stripdispute Israel's right to exist, nonwhites did not seek the destruction of South Africa, only of the apartheid regime. Unlike South Africa, where restrictions were racially motivated, Israel is forced by incessant Palestinian terrorismto take actions, such as building checkpoints and the security fence, to protect its citizens. Israel has consistently demonstrated a willingness, however, to ease restrictions when violence subsides. Beyond limits placed on their ability to attack Israel, roughly 98% of the Palestinians in the territories are governed by the rules of the Palestinian Authority, which do not permit freedom of speech, religion, assembly or other rights taken for granted by Westerners - and guaranteed in Israel. If Israel were to give Palestinians full citizenship, it would mean the territories had been annexed and the possibility of the creation of a Palestinian state foreclosed. No Israeli government has been prepared to take that step. Instead,Israel seeks a two-state solution predicated on a Palestinian willingness to live in peace. The clearest refutation of the calumny against Israel comes from the Palestinians themselves. When asked what governments they admire most, more than 80 percent of Palestinians consistently choose Israel because they can see up close the thriving democracy in Israel, and the rights theArab citizens enjoy there. "When there is peace, we will forgive you for killing our sons.  But we will never forgive you for making our sons kill yours." - Golda Meir to Anwar Saddat

My Ten-and-Under Life.

Not too many college updates for y'all at the moment.  I'm working on a digital narrative on crossdressing for my women's studies class, which I'll post on the blog if I figure out how.  I've been in kind of a slump lately.  I'm really ready for this quarter to be over - great things ahead once winter quarter ends.  In the meantime, I thought I'd share a few random things I remember from my childhood.  Emphasis on "random."

Sneaking into my glamorous Aunt Jill's closet with my cousin Abby and marveling at her rows of sparkly shoes, pretty dresses, and small makeup pots.

My same Aunt Jill scolding me for eating (or stashing in my pockets) the candy she set out in dishes around her house.

 Receiving a purple dress from my grandmother on probably my 7th birthday.  My little sister received a matching one.  I hated it so much I hid in my room.  She gives me money now.

My Papa calling me "Madelyn."  I'd tell him, "No, Papa, everyone calls me 'Maddie.'"  His response:  "All right, I'll only call you Madelyn when I'm angry, then."  He was either always angry at me, or he forgot our rule (I'm positive it was the second one).

 Kevin Finley, a neighbor two houses over on Cassingham.  he made me sit with him and watch Star Wars, and I was so frightened when Obi-wan was struck with the light sabre that I ran out of his house and back to mine.

 Learning, at age 8 or 9, what a miscarriage was.  Mom told me one day not to bother our next-door neighbors for a few days; because they'd just had one.  They had a live birth a few years later.

 Those little schmucks, Ethan and Michael, peeing in my backyard sandbox.  I wasn't allowed to play in it after that, because the stray cats then used it as a litterbox.

Getting bullied in early childcare.  I was a little bossy, and I was often hit and pushed by the big kids on the playground at recess.  Remember those horribly dangerous scooter things they had in little-kid gym class? Like short skateboards?  I remember my friend Taylor falling off of one and landing on her chin.  She had to get stitches, which looked like little black whiskers.

 Skipping a day of Columbus School for Girls lower school to hang out with my dad.  He wore a suit.  We got lunch in City Center Mall, Kinko's copy store, and the Nationwide Insurance headquarters downtown.  You'll notice they have a pretty little waterfall in the front.  It was late spring, and I took off my little Doc Martens and knee-high socks, and waded into the water.  My dad rolled up his pant legs, took off his shoes and argyle socks, and waded in after me.  

As a very little girl, younger than four, I remember watching my father half-carry a faint Evelyn - my Botnick cousins' nanny and housekeeper - back into our Florida home after her finger was slammed in the van door.  She was crying softly, and I remember blood.

 Sneaking into my Aunt Eva's closet with my other cousin, Naomi, and marveling at her pretty clip-on earrings, wide-brimmed debutante hats, and tiny crystal bottles of perfume with the tasseled squeeze pumps.

 Those silly little toy fads we went through in elementary school:  Furbies, Sanrio pencil tins, gelly-pens, wheelie shoes, and powerbead bracelets.

 Playing at the house of my elementary school-best friend Kate's house in first grade.  Our favorite toys?  My Little Pony.  I only owned one, but Kate had about 20.  Our first great teacher, Mrs. McTurner, was on maternity leave for most of the year, and our substitute was a wonderful woman named Mrs. Toothman, whose husband was a dentist.  We'd pretend the pretty, tall, slender My Little Pony was Mrs. Toothman, and the short, squat Pony was Mrs. McTurner.  They would battle for the right to teach our class.
 

 All the wonderful adventures Kyla and I had:  the time we tried to save a baby bird that had fallen from a nest on her roof, how we used to pretend we could read one another's thoughts, Kyla's awesome Halloween costumes, playing with her dogs, fighting with her brother like he was my brother, walking around the block to one another's houses barefoot in the summer, being disruptive in religious school.
  
  The many elementary-school spring breaks to Palm Island Resort with my other elementary school best friend, Emma.  We went with her grandparents, whom she just called Doris and King.  We'd sneak off in the morning to go bodyboarding, go to the little breakfast shop to buy donuts and milk and fruit, play games in the arcade, swim in the pool, build sand castles, climb up soft sand dunes, search for lizards, and eat ribs at the restaurant, Rum Bay (before I knew 'ribs' were typically pork).  Our other best friend, Kate (of the My Little Ponies), went to an island called Useppa for her spring break.  Once or twice we took a ferry and went to visit her.  Kate tried to catch a lizard in a cup, but instead caught its tail, which wiggled wildly under the clear plastic cup.

If y'all think of any memories we shared as children (or any cartoon TV shows I've forgotten), post it as a comment here on the blog, or on facebook!

That Little Feeling.

A slightly off-topic comment before the blog begins: I hate Valentine's Day.  For as long as I can remember, whether or not I was in a relationship during this paganistic Hallmark holiday, I've hated it.  I love people all year round - why should I buy waxy overpriced chocolates and themed plush toys to prove it?  Ladies and gentlemen, what I want for Valentine's Day is what I want for every other occasion during which you choose to dote on me: a great meal, a notable movie, and your undivided attention.

In your heart, in your throat, in your pants - chemistry.  Love. That first look, that first thought you have about him, about her, about that stranger that makes you think dirty things, sweet things.

 "In Times Square on V.J. Day I saw a sailor running along the street grabbing any and every girl in sight. Whether she was a grandmother, stout, thin, old, didn't make a difference. I was running ahead of him with my Leica looking back over my shoulder but none of the pictures that were possible pleased me. Then suddenly, in a flash, I saw something white being grabbed. I turned around and clicked the moment the sailor kissed the nurse. If she had been dressed in a dark dress I would never have taken the picture. If the sailor had worn a white uniform, the same. I took exactly four pictures. It was done within a few seconds." - Alfred Eisenstaedt, photographer.

So much for the romance we all saw in that picture. 

The woman, later identified as Edith Shain, said she let the sailor kiss her because he'd fought for our country.  Ok, that's not really chemistry.  But he did something!  Something bold!

Which is more than I can say for myself.  I sat in the lounge across from the Berry Cafe in the William Oxley Thompson Library, the main library at The Ohio State University.  I sat down with my book bag and my vegetarian eggplant sandwich and noticed a very cute fellah sitting on a couch perpendicular to my seat.  He wore a v-neck t-shirt, a beret-esque hat, and had an androgynous, almost girlishly pretty face, and dark eyes.  I haven't been very confident in myself since rediscovering the single life, but I smiled at him and he smiled back flirtatiously.  I felt a little flutter in my chest.  I looked up a bit later, and saw him looking at me again.  We smiled at each other, and I felt my cheeks growing warm.  'Stop looking at him, Maddie, do your homework.'  I didn't have the nerve to walk over and introduce myself.

This happened one or two more times, and finally he got up to leave.  I watched him turn and throw away his drink (and I noticed his cute tooshie in the pale gray narrow jeans), and then immediately put my head down and tried to look engrossed in my book.  He walked behind me to leave.  I felt him pass behind me, and then I felt his hand on my shoulder.  He gently, flirtatiously, squeezed my shoulder, and kept walking.

Post-India Drama Geekend in Herzliyah.

I don't usually talk about the intimate details of my love life, or vent to a large group of people about boy trouble or heartache.  I feel it's unprofessional, and that people see me as weak.  But in this case, for this thing that's been weighing on my heart like a two-ton stone from the Western Wall, I need to vent.  

When Jason and I returned from India, we arranged a weekend in Herzliyah where we'd go up a day early to have some time alone, and then our friends would join us the following day for movies, Shabbat dinner, and fun.

We decided to finally discuss the fate of our relationship.  In the back of my mind I really knew how it would - no, how it should - happen.   We decided to end our relationship when year course ended.  There was too much between us and yet not enough, and after we discussed we sat on the electric blue couch in silence.  I curled up to his shoulder, and we cried bitterly for almost an hour.  We had silences, a few of which I filled with morbid little jokes, causing Jason to hug me tighter - "Don't say that, please don't say that, Maddie."  After it all, we were too drained to go out to dinner like we usually did in Herzliyah.  We cooked white rice and filled our cereal bowls, and lay on the white shaggy carpet watching whatever was on television.

I vaguely remember trudging to bed, curling up tightly and facing the wall.  My eyes dripped quietly into the white feather pillow as I drifted off to sleep.  When I awakened the next morning I felt deaf.  Everything was still.  I felt like nothing had ever happened before that moment, and then I remembered the evening before.  My mind spun with explanations: I had a few emotional meltdowns during the year.  I'm moody and standoffish, and endlessly stubborn and proud.  I got angry at his friends - our friends - and offended easily.  Had I pushed him away?  Had he outgrown me?  Had the charm dissipated?  Would this be the end of my great fortune with amazingly kind, loving, nerdy boyfriends?

Our friends arrived that Friday morning.  I greeted them all with smiles and embraces.  There were twelve of us, I believe, and not nearly enough beds to hold them all. 

Twenty minutes after they all arrived, around noon, I felt sad again. Hopeless.  I crept up to the bedroom and lay down again.  Jason came in a few minutes later, and seeing me, knew what was wrong.  Later on those of us that would be cooking went to Herzliyah's Arena (ah-wren-ah) mall grocery store to buy ingredients for our grand Shabbat dinner.  

After a lovely Shabbat meal and an abbreviated clean-up, a few of us walked the mile or so along the highway to Cinema City to see the new Star Trek movie.  It was fantastic.

The next morning we woke up early and walked back to Cinema City to see X-Men: Origins, which was laughably dramatic.  When it ended, feeling rather giddy after the energy suck of Friday, I turned to Jason and said, "Let's see it again.  Let's see Star Trek on the big, BIG screen."

"Really? It's not cheap. We saw it last night."

"Let's see it again!"

So we did, and headed back to Jerusalem later that night.

So many times since that discussion in May I've wanted to be angry.  I did get angry a few times and acted on it, and then felt terrible afterward.  I wanted to have the Ani DiFranco f--- you mentality that I knew a Righteous Babe scorned should have, but I couldn't.  You know it, Jas.  I can't hate you, even if I feel a little broken.  You were my very best friend.  We are similar.  We were too close.  Five months later I'm finally pushing regret and anger out of my head.  There's still an ache in my chest, and sometimes a lump in my throat.  But I'm a busy girl, and I'm a strong woman.  As Sondre Lerche reminds me in his music, I'll Be Okay.

It was one of the most emotionally draining experiences I've ever had, and I missed not having my mom and my girlfriends to hug me and tell me it would all work out.

but I'm getting there.

p.s.  the end of my Year Course Experience  +  the end of Rwanda posts  +  random thoughts coming soon.

I'm Excited. Is it obvious?

Well, it will be obvious very soon.  This post is a little tribute to my unbelievably amazing family and the effort we constantly make to stay in touch, talk often, and get together AT LEAST once a year for my favorite secular holiday: Thanksgiving!

I spent Thanksgiving 2008 abroad, away from my immediate family.  It was the first time I'd experienced a Thanksgiving away from all fifteen of my cousins, not to mention Mom and Dad.  While Thanksgiving abroad was memorable, it was no Thanksgiving at home.  I'm so excited to spend this Thanksgiving with my family in the south- singing showtunes with the cousins, overstuffing ourselves on oyster stuffing, lounging in the beautiful weather, and laughing at our parents, asleep on couches as soon as the meal ends.  Our thanksgivings really turn into "Thank-a-Thons," because as a family, we have so much to be thankful for:

Though it caused them a great heartache to leave, my family was able to evacuate New Orleans in 2005 just days before the flood waters of hurricane Katrina ravaged their Lakewood South home.

<--Abby and I caught a dish in our Thanksgiving meal: Mahi Mahi, yummy yummy.

We'll welcome new members to our family: cousins  are bringing boyfriends and girlfriends, and the first among my cousins gets married four days before Thanksgiving.

INCREDIBLE food.  You can't beat a New Orleans-style Thanksgiving.  The pilgrims had shellfish at the first Thanksgiving, too, y'all!

See? My mom is giddy over the huge plates and the marshmallow-covered sweet potatoes!

And of course, we're all celebrating together.  Nothing beats spending time with family.  As Madeline and the other eleven little girls in the two straight lines say, "We love our bread, we love our butter, but most of all we love each other."

cousins and sisters playing around while the meal is cooking.  From left: Maddie Fireman, Marlana Fireman, Abby Botnick, and Molly B. Botnick.