I've been having disturbing dreams lately. Not like, murder-zombies-exam anxiety dreams. I had a dream I was truly happy. With a past boyfriend. Whose face wasn't visible, and whose name was unfamiliar to me.
As I mentioned in the previous post, I've been having a lot of dreams in the past week about past boyfriends and trying to reunite with them. I've awakened quite shaken (ooo, a rhyme!) from these dreams because as I've mentioned in past posts, I've spent almost a year now (approximately 10 months and 21 days) mentally letting go of my most recent relationship. The fact that I'm having relationship dreams again weirds me out. I don't want to date anyone. I don't want to be a "we." I'm not ready to open up to anybody.
I knew it was a past boyfriend, and I knew we were happy - like, comfortable-satisfied-settled-down-ready-to-get-married happy. He held me in his arms and we talked about how happy we were. And this disturbed me, both in my dream and when I awakened.
It disturbed me because while he was holding me (get ready to be confused), dream-Maddie was not content internally. In the dream I told him I was happy, too, but something in my chest (again, in the dream) told me it was wrong. Dream-Maddie didn't speak up. It also disturbed me because in the nights before this dream, I'd dreamt quite the opposite: I was trying to win back an old boyfriend, and he was paying me no attention. In some cases he was actively avoiding me. Anyone have any insight with this one?
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